For the first time today, I used the 5 hours that GG was in holiday club to go out with my other two children (and not for me to work). We were all excited – although tried to not show that in front of GG. It was a 5 precious hours that we chose to spend outdoors, exploring the beautiful local countryside and walking the puppies. It was a glorious day and we had a great time.
In all honesty, I did not miss the screeching, the stressing over whether GG will drink and her refusal to use an unfamiliar toilet. Hauling the buggy in and out of the car and not being able to get in and out of the tea shop were welcome upsides.
I absolutely loved being able to dawdle and explore, GG hates being still in her buggy so stopping is never an option. We visited the Birds of Prey Centre where GG would have struggled with the noise. We enjoyed the simple pleasure of being able to run through the woods with the dogs, and for me being able to watch the others on the climbing frame, without having to join in to help GG around.
GG on the other hand had a lovely day out. Along with some of her school friends, she came home full of smiles, an empty lunchbox and keen to go back again tomorrow.
Perfect you would think so why do I feel so guilty. It is because I missed GG’s smile as much as I missed her screeches. I missed her giggles as much as I missed the inevitable tears. I missed the simple pleasure GG takes in a cheese sandwich whilst my others devoured lunch without a thought.
It felt like we were incomplete as much as it felt a relief to have a fun day without the additional challenges. Every photo I took was missing something. Perhaps in time I will come to accept this new phase in our lives. I know how much we all need some time out, GG’s siblings in particular, but I wish with all my heart that it didn’t have to be like this.